Shirts
by chalaess
Summary: Stuff happens. I'm awful at summaries. Babe story. It'll be short, just to warn you.
1. The Plan

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. Just the shirt idea (although, technically, Ally thought it up. However, if Morelli is to be believed, possession is nine tenths of the law, and the paper talking about the shirt is in my pocket…so…I win!)

And, as far as I know, none of this will be from any point of view except mine (haha! I get to be an omniscient narrator!). So…yeah. And when I say mine, I mean mine as a writer: I'm not actually in this story. Also, this story is likely to be short. By which I mean, it _will_ be short.

Chapter 1

When Connie went into the office, she was surprised to find that Lula was already there. That had never happened before. Ever.

Lula, seeing Connie, jumped out of her chair. "Did you hear?" Connie nodded. Both of them looked horrified. Lula shook her head, amazed. "I just can't believe it. I never thought he'd actually… I mean, they've had their on-again off-again thing for a long time and it never seemed like…" She shook her head again, unable to finish the thought.

Connie was quite for a moment, thinking. "So who'd you hear from?"

"I actually saw him coming out! He was trying to act casual, but it was pretty obvious he didn't want a lot of people to see him leaving. Which is understandable, of course. We need to do something though. Should we warn Stephanie?"

Connie thought a moment more, than shook her head. "We can't just warn her. She might not believe it and, even if she does, she might not do anything about it. Or, she might actually…you know." As Lula nodded to indicate that she _did_ know, Connie continued. "So what can we do? We need to do something that'll get her attention and get her to actually do something about it. They just keep breaking up and getting back together, and it's time for her to end the relationship for real."

Lula nodded. "Definitely." They were quiet for a minute, then Lula spoke. "What if we got everyone to do something? It wouldn't need to be anything huge, but if lots of people agree with us, it would be enough."

Connie smiled. "We could make shirts?"

Lula looked skeptical. "Yeah? What would it say? 'Come to your senses and dump the bastard?' That'll be sure to work." Her voice was sarcastic.

Connie glared, not actually angry, just sort of annoyed. She got out a pen and a piece of paper and wrote a heading at the top, underlining it. Lula looked over and grinned. With her contributions, there was soon a bulleted list of ten things on the paper.

Both looked up when the door opened, and Connie guiltily covered the list with another paper as Stephanie walked in. She looked at them curiously.

"What? What was that?" She walked over to Connie's desk, looking down at the papers.

"Nothing. Here are your skips." Connie picked up a stack of folders and handed them to Stephanie, who looked them over and nodded. Connie looked at Lula and then spoke. "Have you seen Morelli lately?"

Stephanie shook her head. "We broke up a while ago, remember?" Lula and Connie both gave her 'and that matters, why?' looks. She ignored them and continued. "I haven't seen him, but he called me this morning and asked if I could meet him at Pino's tomorrow."

Before there was time for any response, a black truck pulled up to the curb and Ranger got out. Connie and Lula both looked at him as he walked towards the door. Both fanned themselves with their hands and Lula said, "Be still my heart."

Stephanie looked behind her just as Ranger walked in. He nodded in greeting to Lula and Connie. "Ladies." He placed a hand on the back of Stephanie's neck. "Babe." He reached forward and picked up his folders and was about to leave when Lula thought of something and spoke.

"Ranger, wait." He turned back, one eyebrow raised, looking faintly surprised. "Stephanie, you can leave, I need to talk to Ranger."

Stephanie looked confused but, when Connie nodded and made a shooing motion, she rolled her eyes and left, clearly annoyed at being dismissed.

Ranger looked after her and then turned back to Lula and Connie, crossing his arms over his chest. "So?"

The office was silent for a moment and then Lula spoke. "Did you hear about Morelli?" Ranger's jaw tightened almost imperceptibly, and he nodded. "We're going to make some shirts. If we do, will you wear one? And make the Merry Men wear them? Please?"

Ranger raised an eyebrow. "Shirts?"

Connie handed Ranger the paper. He read over it, the corners of his lips tipping up slightly in an almost-smile. "Pen?" Connie handed him one. He made a few changes to the list, read it over again, then handed it, and the pen, back.

Turning towards the door, he walked away and then, with his hand on the door, he turned back. "Make them black."

A/N: Sorry that it's so short. This whole thing will be, pretty much. Anyway, I might post the second chapter today, but maybe not. Suspenseful, no?


	2. The Meeting

Disclaimer: I own the same stuff that I owned last time. Namely, pretty much nothing, except the piece of paper with the shirt ideas on it.

Chapter 2

The next day

Picking up a box out of the passenger seat of his truck, Ranger got out and walked towards the elevator that would bring him from the RangeMan garage to the actual offices. Balancing the box on his hip and holding it with one arm, he used the other hand to push the button.

Once the elevator arrived, he stepped in and then, once he reached the floor with the offices, he stepped out again. Ranger went into the conference room, where everyone was already waiting, as he'd told them to. Walking to his chair, he put down the box in front of himself on the table.

He waited a moment and then looked around at his men. "As I'm sure many of you know, Morelli was seen leaving a jewelry store with an engagement sized box yesterday. Shortly afterwards, he called Stephanie and asked her to meet him at Pino's today. When I was in the office yesterday, Connie and Lula asked for my help on something." He opened the box, pulling out a black shirt and setting it on the table then pushing the box to Tank, on his right. "Everyone take one of those and pass the box to the person next to you. Today, instead of your Rangeman shirts, wear those. Try to make sure your back isn't blocked by anything when you're around Stephanie today."

Tank looked down at the shirt and grinned.

10 Reasons Stephanie and Morelli need to break up…for real

Morelli is a chauvinistic, overly possessive moron

He wants to change her

He hates her job

Morelli men, historically, are scum

Conflict of interest

He stole her dog

He gets mad when she blows stuff up (so he's almost always mad at her)

Their relationship is showing an unhealthy pattern

He's cheating on her

His grandma is scarier than hers

Tank looked up at Ranger. "What's the conflict of interest?"

Ranger smiled. "I asked about that too. He's a cop, and she's not that great at following the rules when she's going after a skip."

Several men around the room chuckled, then, as Ranger left, they all stood and followed him out.

A few hours later, Stephanie called Ranger.

"Yo."

"Can I use your shower?" Stephanie sounded annoyed and disgusted.

Ranger did the almost-smile thing. "Want me in it?"

"No." Ranger grinned, because she sounded slightly more breathless than she had before he asked the question. It didn't take a genius to figure out what she was thinking about.

"Sure, you can use it. Where are you?"

"Outside Rangeman."

"Alright, I'll bring you up." Ranger hung up and then stood, going to the elevator. First he went down the lobby. Stephanie was standing by the security desk, covered in what appeared to be ketchup, mustard, relish, and sauerkraut. The guard at the desk was staring at Stephanie. Stephanie was glaring at the security guard, who clearly didn't believe that she was allowed to go up to the seventh floor. Ranger walked over and picked up a piece of sauerkraut out of her hair. "Babe." He shook his head, the corners of his mouth kicking up in amusement.

Stephanie glared at him. Ranger motioned her towards the elevator, gave the security guard an amused look, then, tossing the sauerkraut into a small trash can at the edge of the security desk, followed Stephanie.

After he used his key fob to get the elevator moving towards the seventh floor, he looked at Stephanie. "Want to explain why you look like the condiments section of a hot dog stand?"

Stephanie glared at him. "Not particularly." Ranger grinned, then, as the elevator stopped, let Stephanie into his apartment.

"Leave your clothes on my bedroom floor and Ella can pick them up."

Stephanie nodded and went into Ranger's bedroom, closing the door. Ranger called Ella to come get Stephanie's clothes and bring replacement clothes. By the time Ella had arrived, Ranger could hear the shower running. Followed by Ella, he went into his room, where Stephanie's condiment covered clothes were lying in a heap. Ella lay out some clothes on Ranger's bed and, going into Ranger's kitchen to get a plastic bag, picked up Stephanie's clothes and then left. Ranger looked down at the clothes (including underwear, after the time when she'd had to go home without any) and grinned. He replaced the shirt with one of the ones Lula and Connie had made. Walking out of the room with a small smile on his face, he wondered how long it would take Stephanie to notice.

A/N: Ok, so I changed the ending of this chapter, but it still pretty much sucks. Sorry


	3. The Proposal

Disclaimer: I own the piece of paper with the shirt ideas on it, although where it currently is, I'm not sure. (Don't worry Ally, I shall find it. We haven't lost the card idea!) I also own some really yummy soda that I'm drinking. I also own a watch, which I haven't a clue where it is. And I own a piece of paper that smells like Ranger. But that's pretty much it. Everything else is Janet Evanovich's.

Oh, and btw, I changed the ending of chapter 2. It's not a lot better, and it's not very different, so you don't have to go back and read it, but the original sucked. I changed the wording, but the plot is the same.

Also, any time the characters are ooc, I'm sorry. So…yeah, just ignore the ooc-ness and carry on. :)

Chapter 3

Wrapped in a towel, Stephanie looked down at the clothes on the bed. Black shirt, black pants, black socks. Normal. The black bra and black underwear? She just hoped Ranger had had no input on the matter (the fact that he'd taken off all her clothes once before didn't mean she wanted him picking them out).

Sighing, she just towel dried her hair and then quickly got dressed. Pulling on her shoes, which luckily hadn't gotten turned condiment-ified earlier, she slung the towel over the towel rack in Ranger's bathroom so it could dry, then left. If the clock on Ranger's wall was correct (and she was sure it was), she had about ten minutes to get to Pino's to meet Joe.

As she left the elevator and walked towards the door, she heard the security guard chuckle. She looked behind her at him but he just grinned, not saying what was so funny. She rolled her eyes and then got into her car (currently the Buick, since her car up until two days ago had blown up).

Walking into Pino's ten minutes later, Stephanie was aware of laughter and gasps from people behind her as she walked towards Joe. She looked behind her and couldn't see anything wrong. Resolving to ignore everyone, she slid into the booth across from Joe.

"So, what's up?"

Joe was quiet for a moment, then he began. "I know we're on a break, but I love you, Cupcake. And I know this isn't the most romantic place, but—"

The room was, other than Joe, silent. However, someone now spoke up. "Save it, Morelli. If you need her answer, look at her back."

Stephanie and Joe both froze for a moment, then both stood up. Stephanie tried to look at her back, but, obviously, failed. Joe grabbed her shoulders, turned her around, and moved her hair away. The more he read, the angrier he got, and by the end, his grip on Stephanie was painful.

She winced and pulled away. She saw his face as she turned around. "What is it?"

He glared at her. "I was going to ask you to marry me, but I see you'll obviously say no. But you could have just told me, you didn't need to publicly humiliate me." Turning, he strode away, his movements showing that he was furious.

Stephanie, after standing speechless for a moment, turned to the nearest person to her. "What does it say?" She presented him with her back.

After a moment's hesitation, he read it. By the time he finished, Stephanie, too, was angry. Going to her car, she jammed it into drive and headed towards RangeMan.

As she drove, she thought. It was true that she'd have said no to Morelli, because she didn't really love him. She had, in fact, realized shortly after the Stiva incident that she loved Ranger, which is why she'd broken up with Morelli to begin with. However, she'd rather have told him herself than had all of Pino's read that shirt and then someone interrupt Morelli's proposal. Even if she didn't love him, she had known him for a long time and she still wanted to be his friend.

By now, she was at Rangeman, so she parked, went into the lobby and, not even approaching the security desk, went to the elevator.

"Wait! Oh, never mind." The security guard had recognized her, clearly, and didn't try to stop her.

Stephanie went straight to Ranger's office, noticing as she went that a great deal of the RangeMan staff (possibly all of it?) were wearing the shirts. She knocked on Ranger's door and, when he said she could come in, she did. She closed the door behind her and glared at Ranger.

Both were silent a moment and then Ranger stood. "So, you didn't like the shirt?" He had a tiny smile on his face.

"Of course not! Morelli just proposed to me in Pino's and, thanks to your shirt, he just got totally humiliated in front of a lot of people. And, of course, the news is going to spread."

"You should be more aware of your surroundings. I never made you wear that shirt, I just put it on the bed." Stephanie just glared at him, and he continued. "Anyway, it's not _my_ shirt. Lula and Connie made it. I just had everyone wear it because I fully support the idea of you and Morelli breaking up for real."

"Why! Why should it matter to you at all?"

Ranger raised an eyebrow. "Are you serious?" Once again, Stephanie was silent, although this time there was confusion mixed into her angry expression. Ranger swore. "Babe, I love you. I've even told you that. You think I want you marrying Morelli?"

Stephanie stared at him, but recovered quickly. "You love me? How? 'In your own way.' What is that supposed to mean?" She didn't give him a chance to respond, just continuing even as he opened his mouth to respond. Judging by the look he gave her, he didn't appreciate being cut off. "And if you didn't want me to marry Morelli, why'd you send me back to him? That seems like a very 'marry Morelli' encouraging action!"

Ranger gave her a 'are you done?' look and then, once he was sure she wouldn't cut him off again, spoke. "I love you completely. Forget that I ever said in my own way. It was dumb. But of course I sent you back to Morelli. I told you! My life—"

Stephanie rolled her eyes, joining in and reciting it with him. "doesn't led itself to relationships." She paused and then continued. "But if that's true, why are you so opposed to it now? You can either do a relationship, or you can't. But don't try to make me relationship-less, too."

Ranger gave a resigned sigh. "Fine! Do what you want. Go marry him. I suggest changing your shirt first, though. You can blame it all on me. Maybe he'll come murder me and then you won't even need to worry about my input."

Stephanie groaned. "Ranger, you are such an idiot! This is why we even get into this situation! Because you make stupid comments like that. If you weren't always saying stupid things, I'd have told you I loved you a long time ago and we wouldn't even be having this conversation. I don't want to marry Morelli, or I'd have run after him and explained the situation and told him I loved him and all that, instead of coming here and yelling at you. And obviously I don't want him to murder—"

Ranger interrupted. Somehow, during her rant, he'd gotten way closer without her noticing, so that he was now about an arm length from her. "Babe. You love me?"

"Of course. I should think that would be obvious."

Ranger smiled and pulled her to him for a kiss. When he pulled his head back, he smiled. "I see I can tell Connie and Lula the follow-up shirt won't be necessary."

Stephanie took a deep breath in an attempt to steady her breathing. "Follow-up shirt?"

Ranger grinned. "10 reasons why Stephanie and Ranger should get together."

A/N: Ok, so that's the end. I hope you liked it. And, btw, I know that 'get together' has several meanings. I mean it in the 'being girlfriend and boyfriend, with marriage possibly in the future' way, not the 'have sex' way. Just to clarify. :) Please review.


End file.
